Can it be?…have 15 years of marriage Really gone by already??…

Well, our daughter IS turning 14 next month so I guess it has been 15 years?…my Goodness, how time flies!!  I remember growing up, the days and years felt like an eternity in passing…every day seemed to just drag on and on and on.  And nowadays, it seems that there aren’t enough hours in the day and each one just speeds on by in the blink of an eye!

I wish I could say that I remember the first time I saw my husband but he actually saw me first!  We were both taking a Business Writing college course required for our major and it was the first day of class.  As with all first days, some professors would start with an ice-breaker so everyone could get to know one another and this one said she’d go around the room and ask each of her students to say their name and something unique about them.  As usual, I said my name and that I danced hula.  You don’t hear that too often!  I guess this made an impression on my would-be husband as he shared with me later that when he heard that, he became quite alert, awaking from his imminent nap to get a good look—black blazer, jeans, and black boots?  Mm-hmmm.  He likes to remind me of that day.  And what I was wearing.  I guess he was hooked from the start!

We soon became good friends having a connection to the islands and a love for delicious food.  Both of his parents were from Oahu and Kauai.  My Mom is from Oahu.  All had moved to the mainland, in California, sometime after high school and started their families.  Both of us were raised in the island-way hearing pidgin English and vacationing “back home” to visit Aunties and cousins over many summers.  I can still remember one summer that my Mom dropped me off to my cousin’s house for a week.  When she came back to pick me up, she says she could barely understand me because I’d picked up the pidgin so well it was like I was speaking a foreign language to her!

I think that’s one of the things that really drew me to my husband—his great humor and love for speaking pidgin English.  That’s the Hawaiian in him.  Oh, how I would laugh SO hard, my stomach would hurt!!  I think he enjoyed doing that to me.  Getting an ab workout was a regular thing when we got together.  I don’t even remember really what we ever talked about but my husband would always find a way to make me laugh.

He also loved to eat and we’d grab a bite together or with a group of friends between or after classes and just hangout.  Or I’d just watch him play video games at the UC Center when he was supposed to be in class! 

I don’t know that he was quite as studious as I was in college.  And he always seemed to ask to copy my homework or take a look at a project I’d done for a class I’d completed the prior semester that he was now taking.  I still remember a time in the class where we met where he made sure he sat next to me during a test.  During that exam, he whispered over to me to show him my answers.  I was so shocked.  I had never been asked this before and felt my heart racing as I sat there contemplating.  Do I uncover my answers and push my paper closer for him to read?  Or do I just ignore him and hope this has no impact on our friendship?  It was with great effort that I pushed my paper to the edge of my desk and looked toward the front of the class where the professor was sitting.  Please don’t look up!  Please don’t look up and see me showing my paper to another student.  Please don’t fail me!  I thought the class would never end.  I thought for sure that I would get caught and receive a zero.  But that teacher…I don’t know, she always seemed to be a nervous wreck acting very jittery.  And she was constantly smoking outside her classroom…a LOT!  She never saw our exchange of information.  Or maybe she just didn’t care.  Thank Goodness!!  We both passed that class.  Or at least, I did quite easily and he did with a little help from me!

He had a girlfriend in college and I was pleasantly single going out with friends to dance at clubs on the weekends or just get together at someone’s house to just chill.  Over the years, I came to see him more as a brother, like family.  That’s just the island-way.  We treat each other as family!  We got along so well and felt so comfortable with each other.  We were good friends. 

But I guess he had other ideas.  I don’t know…is it just that girls (or me specifically) are more naïve and don’t pay attention?  Do all guys have more sexual intentions with girls and never want to be just friends or, God forbid, “like a brother” to them?  Did all those guys in high school that I saw as brothers also see me differently?  I guess I was just oblivious and always saw myself as a sister to them all.

The funny thing is, my husband and I didn’t really get together until much much later in life…after I’d already been married and had a child.  One of the Last people he had planned to marry…

We lost touch a bit as college life continued on though we would catch up on the phone occasionally.  He still knew how to make me laugh and I still thought of him as my brother!  So these conversations were always well-received and enjoyable. 

I’d ended up marrying my hula teacher’s son whom I’d known for years and we had a beautiful son.  But that relationship ended in divorce and I moved back home to my Mom’s, with my son in tow. 

I guess my husband graduated with his degree and, no longer with his girlfriend from school, looked for employment in the islands to someday find his true “island girl” soulmate.  He never planned to marry anyone who had been married before or who had a child.  We laugh about it now, but all of his attempts to move “back home” to find the girl of his dreams came to an abrupt halt.  She was right here in Cali all along and not at all what he had planned for.

Somewhere along the way of finishing school, building our careers, and me raising my son with much-appreciated help from my Mom and sister, we both found the Lord.  He even invited me to a Harvest Crusade led by Pastor Greg Laurie one summer.  But not quite knowing what exactly that was, I hurriedly said I had a hula gig that evening and needed to make money.  I was not a believer at that time…not yet.  And this Christian church-y concert thing made me uncomfortable.

It wasn’t until my counselor (yes, I did try to save my first marriage through counseling) encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone and do the “hard” things that most people have no fear of that I became more bold and independent.  I started attending church on my own.  Alone.  Or with my son on my weekends.  Eventually, I would end up fellowshipping at Pastor Rick Warren’s church in south Orange County, which is where I got saved.  Yes “saved”…”born again”…”made new”. 

And this is where the Lord began to take over my life, or rather, I surrendered to His will rather than my own.  I started attending small group Bible studies and serving in the children’s ministry.  I began to grow in my faith and meet wonderful godly women who would mentor and pray for me and for my son.  By serving in the toddler room, I could give back and love on little ones while their parents could listen to the message of the pastor with no distractions.  When I learned there was also a hula ministry, I was all for it!!  Having danced hula secularly for over 20 years, how much More satisfying would it be to dance to worship songs for the Lord?  I was ecstatic!  To share my faith through the art I had loved for so many years was an exciting thought!

It was about this time that my would-be husband and I began talking on the phone more often.  As I was serving in my church, he also was serving and teaching Sunday School in his church.  He also would attend the Men’s studies and mid-week services, continuing to grow in his faith.  On major holidays, we started to attend church together, whether at his or at mine.  And, of course, we would still get together to eat and laugh! 

And then the day came in early April when he asked me to “dinner”.  Not just an informal “you like eat?” get together as we say in the islands, but something that sounded far more formal and Serious with a capital “S”!  He wanted to go to a nice steakhouse and dress up!  Dress-up??  This guy was totally island-style and lived in shorts, t-shirts, and slippahs!!  Nevertheless, that was the night we finally shared our feelings for each other and how the Lord had been working in each of our lives to bring us together.

We didn’t really have any “dating” time as girlfriend and boyfriend but pretty much just skipped right ahead to fiancé status and our engagement!  We had been praying individually along with mentors from church and already knew that the Lord meant for us to be married.  We had been friends for SO long, there was not much need to “get to know” each other as most couples do. 

Finally, after about a year and a half of planning and praying and attending church together, on a cool day in early October, we were married by our favorite pastor, Raul Ries, in our church home before many family and friends. 

And what would our relationship be without food?  More Food!!  We ordered a Huge seven-course Chinese meal for our reception at a prominent hotel with such Asian delicacies as egg flower soup, Peking duck, coconut shrimp, and chicken feet to name a few.  And unfortunately, the two of us only had several bites of the first two courses before we were whisked away to toss the bouquet and garter as well as cut cake and take more pictures! 

All too-soon the party was over and we were alone in our upgraded Presidential Suite due to a mistake the hotel reservationist had made (thank you for many blessings, Lord!)  The bride and groom.  All alone in a room bigger than the condo we would live in as a family and we were HUNGRY!!  Room service it is!! 

What does all this rambling on have to do with our 15^th Wedding Anniversary?! 

Well, a Lot really…it just shows that God uses all things for the good of everyone who loves Him as the Bible says in Romans 8:28.  And everything happens in His timing, not ours.  All those years in college and afterward before we ever became serious about each other, God was working on each of our hearts to first love Him before we could love each other.

And He continues to work on us every day, molding us into the man and wife, the father and mother, that He wants us to be.  We learn, we grow, we love, we laugh, we argue, we disagree.  But through it all, the Lord is there because we put Him first.  I truly believe this is why we have been blessed with so many years together and why I believe we will have many more to come.  We still laugh a lot, and of course, EAT!!

Has the Lord blessed you and your spouse?  Do you have a special story of how He brought you two together?

Until next time, may you be Blessed and Joy in the King!

Laurie

Photo credit:  Laurie Jamora